Thursday, 21 November 2013

Why your browser sucks!

Alright just a small warning guys,this will be a bit of rant and there will be rude words.This does not mean your browser is bad in any way and that it does not have any good sides.I will just concentrate on the negatives.I have nothing against blind people or whatever I mention here.

Warning:expect large amounts of profanity from this point onward.And for bonus points PIRATE ENGLISH!
Firefox:Sure its free 'n open source but...Why th' hell be it in that pain spot between Chrome 'n Opera(Opera from th' barnacle-covered days) when it comes to weapons.It dont have many features but it takes up all th' freakin' resources,that's what I mean.Also what kind 'o dirty evil mind made it their policy fer all th' features ye need but don't have,just make extensions fer it?'tis not like extensions can slow below ye browser or even completely break it. 

Chrome/Chromium:Its true that 'tis browser be slim 'n fast,but does that mean it has to have every sin'le fuckin' bug in th' seven seas?I mean 'tis browser has more bugs than features.Unless ye count weapons as bugs.Seriously,who be th' code maintainer?Obviously a person who dont gift muck number 1 'bout bugs.Oh 'n th' user interface?It was obviously done by a blind person.'tis nice but avast, thar let's butt muck all our users wit' widescreens 'n put only horizontal menus.'n 'open wit''?Who needs that? 

Opera:It used to be a great browser,a pair years ago.Basically someone made a 2 year plan on how to destroy 'tis browser.It had both speed 'n loads 'n loads 'o weapons.However,what once was th' fastest browser suddenly became th' slowest browser,unsupported by most websites.How did they muck 'tis up?They switched to a new engine,but dropped 90% 'o their weapons 'n th' new version still has no linux support,'n it has be 6 months fer fucks on a sandwiches sake. 

Internet explorer: Fuahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahaahahahaahahaha.whar do I even begin?They be slow as shit-barnacles that be fallin' below a turtle's ass.It was probably developed in a zoo,because their code be such shit-barnacles that it breaks below every second,it was probably developed by a sea monster which sat below on a keyboard somewhere in th' MS zoo.Their standards compliance was done by a zebra because zebras have long necks 'n can't spy wit' ye eye onto th' screen 'n that be why it displays websites differently than all th' other browsers do.All their innovations were copied from other browserFter 5 fuckin years.'n th' guy who approved Internet explorer 6 fer completion spend a lifetime in guantanamo as a punishment.And of course you support only the shittiest platform of all.

Anyhow,that is the gist of it.

By Mario Kamenjak

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